


Mediocrity Rules

by PrimordialAngels



Category: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
Genre: Friendship, Humor, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-17 19:57:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20626694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrimordialAngels/pseuds/PrimordialAngels
Summary: No matter what Nny does, some force in the universe won't let him kill himself... and he can't seem to kill Edgar Vargas either. Well, Fuck.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just really wanted to write something cartoony and light hearted I guess haha. I think Edgar is a very cartoony character-- Not feeling any fear in the face of death is pretty looney tunes, I'd say! This is sort of just something I'm writing for fun, but I hope others can enjoy it as well!

“Hey, thanks again for letting me go, I really appreciate it.” 

“Uh, yeah, sure. It’s no problem.” 

“Guess it’s lucky for me that knife salesman rung the doorbell.” 

Edgar chuckles fondly, not perturbed in the slightest. Nny wonders if he really thinks it’s funny, or if he’s just laughing out of nervousness. He suddenly feels a bit nervous himself. 

_Shit, I don’t remember where I kidnapped this guy from… How will I ever see him again?_

He blinks. That was an odd thing to think. For him, at least. _Uhh, It’s just in case I need to finish the job and kill him later. Just to be safe._

“Say, Edgar. If I wanted to contact you somehow, how would I… uhh, go about doing that…?”

He felt really stupid asking that to someone he was just about to drain all the blood out of.

“Oh, well, I work at a 24 hour convience store called Squeezies, I think I’ve actually rung you up before. You can probably find me there, I work night shift most the time.” 

Nny blinks again, dumbfounded. This fucking guy seriously is telling his would be murderer where he works! _What is his deal!? Does he wanna die or not?_

“I think I remember now, yes... Squeezies. Not a bad place,” Theyre both standing at the front door now, but seeing as how Edgar isn’t clawing at the wood desperately like a dog needing to piss, he goes ahead and keeps talking, “How come you’re so chill telling me all that stuff? Aren’t you worried I’ll change my mind?”

Edgar pushes his glasses up with the tips of his fingers, “Not really. Like I said, I’d rather not die but if I do it’s not a big deal. I see it like fate, I guess. Like when it happens, however it happens, it’s just my time, ya know?”

Nny nods, “Sure, sure, I get all that, but don’t you feel you’re putting yourself in danger by telling me your personal information?”

The taller of the two shifts his weight to one foot and crosses his arms, “Hmm. No. I don’t know why, I just. I don’t know, I’m not afraid of you, i guess? And I don’t mean that to be insulting. Just that you seemed like you didn’t really want to kill me. So why would you later if you didn’t want to now? Maybe I’m mistaken though.”

“Oh, yeah alright, that makes sense. Hm. Well, and ugh-- sorry if I’m keeping you too long, I don’t have nice guests very often...”

“No, no, you’re alright. Go ahead.”

Suddenly self-conscious, Nny fiddles with his striped sleeves as he continues, “Well, back there you sounded like you didn’t have a lot goin’ on in your life. A guy like you with no friends? I know you don’t mind if you die, but you said it yourself that you’d rather not. What is it that keeps you going?”

He knew he sounded childish, but he felt as though Edgar was someone he could trust with that side of himself. He was asking to know more about this strange man, but also to know for himself. What was the point of life, what made a person with no friends or family happy and want to continue living? 

Edgar hums, and gives a small smile, “That’s an interesting question. For sure I’d have to say writing and reading and whatnot. Movies are good too. I love stories, and I like creating them too. It’s a small thing, but writing gives me a purpose.” 

Nny finds himself nodding and sort of mutters more to himself than to Edgar, “I see. Yes, creating something is very fun isn’t it?” 

“Ah!” Nny shouts, and Edgar’s eyebrows shoot up above his glasses in surprise, “I almost forgot! Yes, yes, I write too! Comics!” 

With a burst of sudden excited energy, the smaller man runs out of the room and comes back with a little booklet. It's messy and crudely stapled together, and he shoves it into Edgar’s hands. Bespectacled eyes look down curiously at the papers, “What’s this?”

“My comic! Happy Noodle Boy! It’s a zine I threw together, I am making more so you can keep that one. Read it and tell me what you think!” 

Nny watches with wide crazy eyes as Edgar genuinely smiles down at him, “Thank you, Nny, I’ll be sure to do that.” 

His nerves could just about burst out of his skin, and he feels a manic episode coming on. He wants to jump around and scream, but he quickly remembers he has a job he has to do, “Oh fuck, the wall. Okay, well, It was nice meeting you, Edgar Vargas, but I really have to go now.”

He opens the front door, and Edgar steps out into the brisk freedom of the autumn air. He waves farewell, “Goodbye, Nny.” 

Nny waves back at him, and watches him go along the jagged sidewalk path, “Bye-bye!”

He doesn’t think about it until later, when he’s skipping down the steps to the dungeon, that perhaps he should have said “see you later” instead.


	2. Chapter 2

Working the graveyard shift isn’t so bad for Edgar, he’s always been a natural born night owl and prefers staying up late most days. There wasn’t much traffic late into the night either, which gave him lots of time to read and enjoy himself. 

_Prrring Prrring_

Hearing the door chime, he quickly sets down his novel, grateful he isn’t at a very interesting moment in the story. Under the sickly artificial lighting of the store he is pretty surprised to see a blur of stripes dart behind a rack of candy. 

“Nny, is that you?”

Suddenly he sees a mess of spikey hair shoot out from the top of the aisle, seemingly in response to his question. The black mass darts down, and then appears again as the scrawny sleep deprived killer peaks out with one eye from a spot crouched down behind colorful chip bags, looking around in Edgar’s direction. Upon recognizing who called out to him, his body jumps in surprise. Edgar just smiles and waves, not wanting to scare him off. Nny steps over to him, his head down as he lays his sweets onto the counter.

“‘M not done yet, but you can keep these here for me while I parooze, right?” 

Edgar gasps as he looks down to see Johnny’s bandaged and bruised face. His right eye and forehead are completely covered in gauze, as well as his nose wrapped up in a splint. The rest of his wounds were glaringly out in the open, red and angry and a few days fresh it seemed. The turtle neck Nny was wearing also made him worry; was his throat gored the same way his head seemed to be? _Jesus…_

Seemingly scowling from what Edgar could tell behind all the dressings, the maniac beat him to the punch, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

He stalks off to the freezie machines, and stands around making a selection.

“Well, I hope you recover well, Nny.”

He hears a loud scoff and a few muttered words he can’t make out entirely, something about a _“murderer”_ or something.

Edgar can’t help but wonder about what happened. He knows he probably shouldn’t care or hang around with someone as devilish as Johnny, but his faith teaches compassion and forgiveness towards even the darkest of hearts. Those who do evil have usually been dealt a heavy hand in life themselves, and while it doesn’t excuse their actions he knows they are suffering just as much as anyone else. Even still, as crazy as it makes him sound he feels a bit of a kindred spirit in Nny. 

He watches the small man grab a can of Ravioli, and decides an attempt at small talk.

“Ah, ya know, there’s this girl who works at my favorite book store downtown that recently quit, I guess. I was pretty sad to find that out today, she kinda reminded me of you.” 

Nny is suddenly doubled over clutching his head, and Edgar furrows his brow in concern, “Are you alright, Nny?”

He hears the maniac hissing and cursing, and ponders getting up from behind the counter and going over to check on him. Before he can actually act on it, he sees the boy stand back up and shake his head almost like a wet dog might.

“Just... a brain freeze.”

Nny returns with his blood colored ice drink, and sucks at it with a sullen expression as he hands Edgar a suspiciously stained 10 dollar bill.

Edgar gives him a quirked sympathetic smile, “Ya know what, keep that. Since I owe you, and as recompense for our machines causing your brain to freeze, I’ll pay for you tonight.”

“Huh, what really?”

The taller man nods, happy to see Johnny’s eyes-- er, eye, brighten if only just a bit. He had clearly been through hell, and brain freezes surely didn’t help, of that Edgar was sure.

“Totally. It’s on me, and I mean it when I say I hope you get better soon.” 

“Uh…”

Johnny looks away and shifts around awkwardly, clearly not knowing what to do with himself. Edgar feels sad to see him so unused to someone treating him kindly.

“Oh yeahhh, the reason I brought up the bookstore was because I thought it would be cool if maybe you could sell your Noodle Boy zine there. I read it and thought it was really funny.”

Nny’s face lights up instantly at that, and he makes excited eye contact with Edgar.

“Really!? You think so!?”

Edgar laughs through his nose, “Hell yeah, man. You have a really unique vision and writing style. I like it, and I can see your potential for sure.”

The maniac jitters in excitement, “What was your favorite one?”

“Definitely the one with the aliens,” his voice goes high and silly as he quotes a line from the comic, _“‘Crackers! Crackers! But no squeezy cheese!’”_

Nny lets out a cackle similar to that of a hyena, “Yes, augh! I am still proud of that one!”

He continues, “But what the hell is with that voice you’re giving him? Happy Noodle Boy definitely sounds more like _this, ‘You’ve broken my secret elbow! Fuck!’_ ya’ see?”

Edgar’s glasses slide down his nose from his laughing, and he pushes them back up, “Yes, alright, I can hear it now. That’s definitely a way better voice for him, a deeper tone. Thank you for clearing that up.”

The shorter man almost looks as though he’s puffing out his chest in pride, “Of course!”

He looks around in a shy way now, absentmindedly scratching the styrofoam cup in his hands before speaking back up again, “I’m, um, glad you like him. Thank you for saying so.”

Edgar really feels like he’s making progress, and so he decides to see just how far he can take things.

“No problem, Nny. Say, once your eye-patch is off maybe we could go see a movie together or something?”

A melancholy look flashes over the maniac’s face briefly, before he furrows his brows and gives Edgar a jagged smile, “Sure, that sounds fun. I’ll just find you here, then?”

Pulling out a discarded receipt from the trash bin, Edgar smoothes it out as best he can before he quickly scribbles something down and hands it out to Johnny.

“Here, just call me whenever you’d wanna go and we can make plans. I’m easiest to catch at night.”

Nny takes the crumpled ticket, his good eye wide as though he wasn't expecting such a response. He shoves it in his pocket, and pats it down, making sure it’s secure. 

“Thanks, Edgar. Well, I’ll see ya when I see ya, I guess. Have a good night!”

Edgar waves and wishes Johnny the same as he watches him exit the store, becoming one with the shadows and going off to do heaven knows what.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am just sort of writing bits and pieces of dialogue and scenes between these two that I find myself day dreaming about, so sorry they are not super long or even cohesive, lol! Thank you for reading so far <3 More to come for sure~!

“You’re funny, Nny.”

Edgar is smiling that gentle unjudging smile down at him, and Johnny feels his nerves fraying.

“The hells ‘at s’pose to mean?”

“Funny as in humorous, of course. You make me laugh, and it’s fun to hang out with you.”

Nny squints up at him in confusion. Occasionally he fails to understand the tall bespectacled man he somehow in the past month has become “friends” with. Why bring that up? Why talk so straightforward like that? 

He looks around at all the bored faces shifting from red to blue under the neon lights of the cinema, avoiding eye contact, “I’m just being me...”

A soft chuckle, “Yes, exactly. You’re just so unique.”

The maniac spits onto the cold cement as Edgar reaches his turn in line at the ticket booth. They were going to see a cosmic horror film, something they both had been eager to see. Nny notes the way the other man talks to the lady behind the sheet of plexiglass, his polite customer service voice a pitch above his casual baritone. 

He purchases his own ticket, and they head inside. 

“Do you know what I mean, though?”

Nny shakes his head. He sort of wishes Edgar would stop complimenting him so much, it makes his skin itch and tingle as though bugs were biting at him from the inside, trying to get out. 

“Just that you-- I dunno. I feel like you’re special, Nny.”

The bugs bite down hard, pinching and twisting at his organs now, and he feels sick. Irredeemable him, _special?_ Suddenly he thinks back to his most recent suicide attempt… Maybe Edgar was onto something, but he definitely doesn't consider himself lucky for being _chosen,_ if that’s even what the hell was happening to him. Fuck, he hates thinking about it. 

Eager to change the topic, he speaks up, "If I’m so special, then what’re you?" 

Edgar hums in thought as they wait in line to buy overpriced popcorn, “I always thought I was relatively normal, but I think you've recently shown me that's just not true,” He turns to look into Nny’s eyes, “Most people scream or cry or pee their pants, but I was different. You said it yourself, right?”

“Using me to give your miniscule life meaning, Ed boy?”

He wants to push his buttons just a bit. Maybe freak him out, if that’s even possible at this point.

“Yeah, I guess so. But people use others for things they need all the time, even happiness and love, it’s just a part of being human. I wouldn’t really call it a bad thing, even though it sort of sounds negative.”

_Rats…_

"In that case, you're pretty damn funny too, Edgar"

Edgar laughs, “Yes, I suppose I am.” 

They grab their expensive junk food and head into the designated theatre. Nny prays no one acts like a total ass during the film, because he really doesn’t want to have to be violent in front of Edgar. Not yet, at least.

\--- --- --- --- --- ---

Halloween was a couple of weeks away, that was why they decided to walk to the theatre from Edgar’s apartment. To walk around a few blocks and stare at all the plastic skeletons and twinkling orange lights garnering people’s stoops. Nny made a quick mental note to go back there and tear all their shit down. _This is all their fucking fault._

Currently he is being held chest to chest to Edgar, his face in the crook of the taller man’s neck. He becomes steel upon contact; unyielding, cold, and deadly. He expects it to be over and done with, a quick and passing mistake, but the warmth stays. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do, or even how to breathe. And when he does finally recover the ability, all he intakes is Edgar, and he wishes he had just choked instead.

“Take care, Nny.”

His body betrays him as he feels those same bugs from earlier crawl along his skin, goosebumps overtaking him where their hundreds of tiny feet dance. 

The comfort. 

A gust of cold wind stings his bones, and he realizes the body that had been holding him is halfway up a flight of stairs already. He watches as Edgar turns to him one last time and waves goodbye before shutting, and Nny guesses, locking his door. 

_"FUCK!"_

He should’ve killed him right then and there, should’ve gotten rid of that parasite once and for all-- hugging _him!?_

_How dare he… How could he… Why would...?_

A single thought cooly whispers into his mind, _"You're special, Nny."_

The moon stares down at him in pity, and he wishes he could be up there floating amongst the stars.


End file.
